Terkadang,

Kadang kita bisa bener-bener ngerasain sesuatu hal kalau hal tersebut udah ga sama kita lagi. Seseorang, kenangan, barang-barang memorable. Apapun itu.
Pernah nggak lo ada di satu tempat, sama orang-orang baru di kehidupan lo, dan ga peduli seasyik atau seheboh mereka disitu, rasanya beda sama ketika lo disitu sama orang-orang yang menurut lo spesial di hidup lo.

vibesnya, beda.

Dan ditengah-tAengah suara tawa yang mereka teriakan dan tawa lo sendiri yang lo ciptakan, lo akhirnya diam dan tanpa sadar terpikirkan, "Kalo ada si xxx sama vvv disini, bakalan asyik kali ya,"
Dan itu cuma bakal ada di pikiran doang karena sampai kapanpun, itu besar kemungkinan nggak bakal bisa kejadian lagi.

So many great people. So many memories. So little times.

Well. Actually. Postingan ini datang dari curhatan kangen dari wanda tengah malam kemaren.

Have you ever felt like you miss some people so much you can't do anything about it except texting them? While texting feels nothing without presence?

Sigh.

junk.

****

"...Feelings for someone that become reminiscent of the freedom felt when driving at midnight when the streets are cold and hauntingly lonely, the time when there's too much self-awareness for my liking."

the time whhen I love you the most.

I miss you damn much everything seems like so bitter and painful.

xxx,

#13

“
Darling,

My love is vicious for you.
I’ve broken many hearts, including my own, because I refuse to settle for anything less than the exact shade of your soul.

It will be a color I can’t quite name, but somehow I’ll recognize it, like déjà vu has always been the story of how I’d find you.

It will be the color of falling asleep during a thunderstorm and waking up to the smell of firewood and sea salt.

It will be the color of the first days of spring, with my windows rolled down and adventure on the breeze.
It will be the color of hugging the people I love and hearing their voices after being away from them a while.

It will be the color of the backs of my eyelids, the one I see every time I blink and every time I dream; the one I will see eternally when my body fails and my soul leaves this earth.

So if I must, I’ll break their hearts and I’ll break mine. I will search until I finally come across the lovely hues of you.

And then I’ll paint my life with the shades of you so that the rest of the world might understand why you’re my favorite color.
”

— Z.M. , Letter #7 to you, wherever you are.