Rabu, 25 Januari 2017

Why

“I feel like this is when I should tell you how much I miss you, but a part of me knows you probably don’t care. If you did, we’d probably still be friends…right? But I still hope you think of me on occasion and miss me too.

It’s been months since we last talked who would’ve seen that coming? I know I definitely didn’t. So much has happened since we last spoke, and I’ve wanted you to know it all. Isn’t that twisted? Even though we’re no longer friends, I still want to tell you all the things I used to. And it sucks because you’re not that person to me anymore.

You were the one person I was supposed to be able to count on for anything. You used to be a phone call away but suddenly you stopped answering. You were supposed to always look out for me but then you forgot . We were supposed to be friends forever but the next thing I knew, we were growing further and further apart

But I guess that’s life. Nothing is constant and no one owes you anything. And even though we’re not friends anymore, I still want to thank you. Thank you for being my best friend and dealing with everything that comes with that. Thank you for the nights we stayed up til dawn just talking and laughing. Thank you for being honest and genuinely caring about me. Thank you for taking me for me, and never letting other’s judgments get in the way. Thanks for never sharing those embarrassing pictures you took of me. And thank you, thank you, thank you for being the best friend I needed during that part of my life.
And even though we are no longer friends, I just want you to know that I could never hate you. Trust me, I’ve tried. It sounds awful, but I thought it would be easier to get over losing you if I could hate you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was hurt when you left, but I will never hate you. You were my best friend. And despite how things ended up, because of that, I will always love you.

Sometimes, I still scroll through pictures of us and smile. I see screenshots of old conversations and laugh. And whenever I see something that reminds me of you or an inside joke, I almost always almost send it to you. I don’t think there will ever be a day when you don’t cross my mind at least once, but the sadness and hurt are fading, and I’m learning to look at you as a cherished memory.

Everyone chooses their paths in life, and I guess your path just no longer intertwined with mine. But I hope you’re happy. Because I really do wish you the best. I hope you’ve found someone new to send all those weird memes too, to stay up on the phone with on the nights you just can’t sleep, to binge watch Friends with, and to equally complain and celebrate about all the things with
Just know that I don’t hate you and that I’ll always love you. Know that I cherish the memories we made and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’ll always check your snaps and Facebook posts to make sure you’re doing okay, because some things will never change. And know that even if I don’t go up to you the next time I see you, I will always be grateful to have called you my best friend.

Sincerely, Me."

I dont know why something hits me so hard whenever I read this post.
Hardcorely listen to Andrew Belle's In My Veins...ahh..so many people, so many memories, so little time...

Junk,

Rabu, 21 Desember 2016

Sadar (?)

Aku baru sadar, aku belum pernah sekalipun mendengarmu berucap maaf ; Aku belum pernah melihatmu menyesal.
Aku belum pernah merasakan kamu yang berusaha menenangkan konflik, alih-alih kamu membebaninya dengan menegaskan siapa yang benar dan siapa yang salah ; alih-alih,kamu memberikan kriteria kepada beberapa orang dan bersabda bahwa kamu lebih baik daripada mereka. Lebih benar.
Benarkah?
Hanya selalu salahkukah?
Menjadi salahkukah? Atau aku tidak sebegitu pentingnya sehingga kau tidak perlu berepot-repot merasa menyesal, merasa mengerti?
Apa yang kamu mengerti?
Yang kamu tahu, kamu terluka hebat, dan harus membalaskan beban hatimu. Tidak peduli jika itu mengakibatkan beberapa oranglainnya merasa kesakitan.
Yang kamu tidak tahu, kamu tidak tahu apa-apa. Kamu bahkan tidak pernah memiliki niatan untuk mencari tahu apa-apa, bukan?
Aku bukan santa, apa yang kamu harapkan?
Kamupun bukan santa, tapi mengapa selalu bersikap tak punya dosa?

Aku hanya berpikir, teman-temanku, entah mereka titisan syaitan ataupun justru titipan ilahi; kata-kata mereka menjadi terasa semakin masuk akal untuk kuterima. Mereka semakin terdengar benar.

Junk,

Minggu, 18 Desember 2016

Absurd dan insecure

Jadi malem ini, Bella ngechat gue. Harusnya biasa aja, tapi yang bikin jadi agak nggak biasa adalah ucapan yang dia kirimkan. Well. Bella, adalah Monic tipe kedua, istilahnya kaya gitu. Dia orang yang secuek gue dalam menghadapi apapun, kecuali hal-hal yang emang menurutnya perlu perhatian lebih. Ceritanya besok gue mau balik ke kota orang, bukan hal yang istimewa karena sudah menjadi rutinitas. Nah terus gue heran karena Bella tumben-tumbenannya bilang gini,

.

.

Well. Kalau lo mengenal Bella dengan cukup lama, lo akan tahu bahwa itu bukan kata-kata yang sering dia ucapkan.
Jujur gue serem sih. Bukannya serem apa gitu ya, tapi kata orang, kalo ada sesuatu yang terjadi diluar kebiasaan, biasanya ada 'sesuatu' (eh anjir gue serem sendiri). Jadinya yaa.....gue takut. Karena dia ga biasa-biasanya ngomong gitu dan mana besok gue naik pesawat ya kan.... (ketok-ketok kayu amit amit).

So ya. Absurd. Gtu aja.

P.s. abaikan chat terakhir. Itu kehaluan tingkat khayangan.

Junk,